Maybe for now I have stopped believing a good story must have a movie ending. Stuff just doesn't happen like that. We either lack the chemistry, the love, the time or space, the will. For different reasons my stories have always ended. I mean, they all end. But mine end before it even felt like they started, I get the taste, I enjoy the first months and then bam! Circumstances make us end it. It's been a long time since I had a relationship that ended because we wanted to. It was more because we had to and probably didnt feel like fighting against the situation.
You'll know when it's worth it, people say. Yeah? Well, Id like to know the recipe. Because my problem still remains in not being able to trust someone to the point of feeling like it's worth putting my feelings out there and risk it. I have trusted, but they have gone out their way to show me I can and should love them back. It's taken time. It's been worth it in one or two occasions.
Maybe I'm so used to quick endings that now I care a lot more about the events that got us to the point of being together. "The quest" is the part that gets me more excited, the getting to know each other and liking what we see, the butterflies and magic powder all over the place. Three months later you're over that stage and even when you still feel a whole zoo in your belly when he kisses you, this is when the real deal starts. I've always thought that when you're past the three first months of a relationship, you're good to go. People have discussed and disagreed, maybe even fought, showing their true nature. If even after all these you're still sticking together, you made it, at least for the next year.
Maybe, just maybe, a part of me doesn't believe I'll get the happy ending. So I will rather collect short love stories that make me feel something, anything.
Maybe there isn't such thing as the first kiss butterflies, the constant hanging out with no fighting, the free drama relationship, the 0 jealousy and the forever smile in your face caused by his good morning messages you never asked for but he still does and you secretly love. Oh the good morning messages! Those can make my day and light up my face. Who does that anyway? He did. Every single morning, even when he knew he would see me in 45 minutes. He did. Another short story to treasure.
The holding hands, laughing at everything, making each other so secure that you love him or her that he/she will never feel threaten by someone else, someone who makes you feel like you're the only girl in the world, and you make him feel the same way. That to me, is the most important thing. Maybe I'm too stupidly faithful and no one really does that anymore. Ha! To the point I'll stop seeing or talking to anyone else from date two if I believe he is worth it. I like being fair and honest, and that includes closing doors to others while I figure out this one man I like.
I guess what I'm saying in all this verbal diarrhea is that a happy ending to me is brought by pure feelings, pure, honest and sincere feelings, then love. And I feel like many, too many people out there have stopped believing in them, and therefore feeling them. And since no one goes into a relationship with the pureness of their heart, love comes harder, not natural. Endings come easier, faster. When "endings" should be happy, they end up being what makes you not want to even start this all over again. Ever.
Maybe I have settled for love stories, and have stopped expecting happy endings. Maybe it's easier. Maybe it's better. Maybe that's it.
